I did not know what to do initially, thinking my chances of going on a date with her would be over. Or at least that’s what my gut told me.

But I refused to trust my gut, believing there was a chance to go on a date. I have summoned a lot of courage, at this point, to confess my feelings to her. I refused to back down now. So I picked up my iPhone 4, dialed her number and awaited her response.

My iPhone rang, rang, and then rang some more. A faint voice suddenly answers: “Hello,” she said, sounding surprised by my call.

I felt light headed. My eyes were looking at the ground. My stomach, for some strange reason others might call butterflies, tightened. My legs — my knees, specifically — began shaking, eventually trembling. I was nervous after hearing her voice. I almost didn’t know what to say.

But I settled down, so to speak, maintaining my composure instead of feeling nervous. I utilized my inner confidence and said, in an enthusiastic tone, “Hey!”

“Where are you?” I proceeded.

Her reply: I am waiting for the bus right now.

“Could we meet up somewhere on campus? There’s something I want to tell you,” I said, feeling less and less nervous as I prepared for my confession. This is the moment to shine, I thought — the moment where all this effort leading up to my confession would be made worthwhile.

“No…,” she said nervously, as if she knew I was going to tell her how I felt. ”I can’t.”

I didn’t know how to respond, in retrospect. But I immediately interpreted her nervousness as a rejection, thinking if I continue on with my confession, I will not only make things feel even more awkward than they are, but also ruin any chance of a friendship with her.

I was, of course, feeling disappointed, but I held back my disappointment. Instead of continuing on with my confession, I decided to change the topic.

“Oh, it’s okay,” I said. “I was just wondering whether we could meet up to study for our upcoming geography exam, but we could talk about it more later.”

Then, without hesitation, I told her: “Well, that’s all. I’ll talk to you later.”

I paused for a second, and then said goodbye.

“Take care,” she said.

Read the retrospect in the final installment in this series next week.

Tags: relationships, Valentine's Day